“I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-pause
Live for the applause-pause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause.”
Man. I love that song. Lady Gaga’s voice has been stuck in my head for a week now. Every time I hear it the first thing I want to do is dance. Or make up a killer routine. (For those who don’t know me personally, I used to dance, cheer, and choreograph.)
The second thing I do when I hear that song is think about how I used to…
Live for the applause.
And still battle now not to…
Live for the applause.
I like winning. I like being the very best at anything I do. Some people call that “being competitive.” My dad called it “being an Armstrong.” It was my life. Win…or…well, that was the only option for me.
In school, I wanted to make straight A’s. In cheerleading, I wanted to be better than I was the week before. In track, I wanted to run faster. In pageants, I wanted the crown. I wasn’t a cut-throat competitor whom everyone hated (I think!), but I liked the applause. It gave me joy. It gave me worth.
Fast forward to college graduation. School was over, cheerleading was over…marriage was beginning and so was a new job. Without me realizing it was happening, my sources of joy, praise, and worth were vanishing. There was no one to clap for me or for my accomplishments.
My job consisted of office work. Not very glamourous. No one gets a trophy for filing papers and doing inventory.
My role as a wife consisted of household chores and cooking dinners. I never remember Michael coming home and crowning me “Queen of the Dirty Clothes” because I totally rocked that laundry.
Where were my “thank you’s”, “you are so great at that”, or “no one else can do that job like you, Paige!” ???
Yea, NOWHERE! That’s because I was in the real world doing what I was EXPECTED TO DO. I lived for the applause. I wanted the applause. I was used to the applause. There was no applause and I was searching for a source.
Something changed. Something in my heart and spirit got turned upside down, and Jesus showed me where my true intentions were. I wasn’t doing my daily tasks with joy and thanksgiving simply because it was HONORING CHRIST, I only did them in hopes someone would notice and thank me for it. If nobody noticed, I felt the urge to tell them. (like for real…WHO CARES???!!!)
It’s truth found in scripture like these verses below that I had to ingrain into my mind, and let them transform my heart, which allowed my actions to be pure and honorable, without ulterior motives.