Are You Wishing Away What Someone Else Is Missing?

Two kids.  Two blessings.  Two girls.  One is 4.5 and the baby is 9 months.  I love them both, so so much.  I would’t trade the world for them.  

However, I have moments.  Moments that aren’t my most glorious moments.  Times when I’m at my lowest, worn out, running on fumes, frustrated kind of moments. These are the times when I WISH for things to be easier.  I wish for things to hurry up and move along.  I wish I wasn’t in this SEASON of life right now.  These wishes come into my mind…I speak them out of aggravation…and then they leave and I return to the thankful mother I am.

BATHTIME

My friend Tracy is in a different SEASON of life.  Two kids.  Two blessings.  A daughter and a son.  One is 20 and the baby is 17:)  She wouldn’t trade the world for them. 

However, she has these moments.  Moments of a longing, a missing, for something that once was.  Times when the house is quiet, lonely, peaceful kind of moments.  These are the times when she MISSES what used to be there.  She misses the little hand prints on the window, and she longs to go back to the season THAT I AM IN NOW…the season I want to rush through.  To wish through.  

BATHTIME-55

No matter where you are in life as a mother right now, listen to our hearts and see what God is telling you.

I wish I could get a full night’s sleep without anyone waking me up.

I miss when they would “sneak” into my room at night and climb into bed beside me.

I wish I could sleep in until 8 a.m.

I miss that early morning “MA-MA-MA-MA” when they were learning to call for me once they woke up… and then seeing them light up and get so excited and hold out their arms for me as I came in their room.

I wish Charlotte would just walk so I don’t have to hold her all of the time.

I miss how they would hold up their arms wanting me to pick them up and hold them. I miss how she would say “hold chu , hold chu”  meaning “hold you” because we would say “do you want me to ‘hold you’??” 

Charlotte at 5months

I wish I could just hop in the car and go without packing a diaper bag, food, and snacks.

I miss driving them everywhere. The best conversations always happened in the car. And I miss singing with them to “their music” and watching them laugh at me.

I wish the girls would take longer naps so I could get more done around the house.

I miss sitting in that big tree in the backyard with her singing and telling stories for hours and hours.

Charlotte

I wish I could wear cute clothes without spit up or snot on them.

I miss dressing up and having elaborate tea parties.

I wish I could go to the bathroom without an audience.  Or holding a child.

I miss being able to hold them on my hip or on my shoulders.

I wish when I sat down at the computer I could get an email completed before little hands tried typing everything for me.

I miss holding their hands.

Mommy with girls

I wish my house wasn’t such a wreck half of the time.

I miss the days of playing trains and construction site and cars for hour and hours and hours.

I wish I could get a pedicure.  It’s been MONTHS… (9 months to be exact)

I miss those tiny little feet and hands and those “squishy” little legs… oh my sweetness.

charlottepraying

I wish Avery didn’t scream across the house for me because she’s out of milk.

I miss hearing him say “I Wuv you” or “Can I have Wunch”  … we had to work on those “L” words… but oh so cute.

I wish bedtime didn’t take so long.

I miss telling stories, reading books and saying prayers together when I put them to bed. I miss laying with them in bed as they fall asleep.

I wish I could just lie on the couch, watch a grown-up show in its entirety, and eat a snack without sharing.

I miss Disney movies and cuddling on the couch.

sleepingavery

(Update on February 6, 2014: I failed to recognize the women with mother’s hearts who have not been able to have children, or have lost a child. Every aspect of having children, the good and EVEN the bad, some women will never experience. Count it ALL joy, dear mommas.)

A note from Tracy:

As I thought about the days of “I wish” and my days now of ” I miss”, it made me think about the days of “I am so excited for”.  There is a season and time for everything, and they are all perfect and beautiful. We need to relish in the moments of “now”, the present time. Take it in. Enjoy each and every piece of it…good, bad, difficult, tiring, fun… all of it. For there will never be a time like NOW.  I starting thanking God for all my “I miss…” days  instead of missing them and wanting them back.

What a blessing to have all those memories and so many more. What a blessing I have to enjoy today, this day that I have and this season that I am in. What a blessing I have to think about what is yet to come. There is so much to be excited for and look forward to. So I need to not hang on to the past, or wish away today but enjoy the moment.  Each season and time of life that we are in is beautiful and wonderful in its own way.

BATHTIME

And I know that God has been and is and will be with me through each season, each step of the way and everyday helping me, strengthening me , equipping me and preparing me for all of it. He is the one constant that I hang on to.  Enjoy today , the now , the present.  Be thankful for the past. Look forward to what is yet to come. There is a time for everything.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and  a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace… He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

 

131 thoughts on “Are You Wishing Away What Someone Else Is Missing?

  1. Wow this is so true I jus had my baby girl and she is already 3 months old where does the time go… She is growing up so fast it’s amazing to watch everything new she learns like rolling over n figuring out what her little hands are and eating them… I wouldn’t change it for the world I love the world I’m in right nowy daughter has totally made me complete in every way! Mama loves you Jaileyaha!!!

  2. Time is something that you cannot get back once it is gone. It is wonderful that you have a friend, that can remind you that in the midst of those chaotic days are such precious moments that will only be memories all too soon.

    1. Kathy Your post is powerful! Thanks for these words. Mothers today seem more stressed than when I was a Mom with 3 little ones 22 months a part! I loved my 6 years I took off from work just to be a mother! I had a simple happy life with husband and 3 children!

    2. Kathy, I am so sorry you have cancer. I pray for your strength, healing, hope. During my chemo and afterwards, I think about younger women and young mothers with cancer. I’m praying that through your illness, the Presence of God will comfort you.

  3. Thank you for this. I have a four year old son and an eight month old daughter. I am learning to embrace the moments that also drive me crazy…………messy house, etc. It’s pieces like this that really do put it in perspective. OH, how blessed we truly are:)

  4. My husband does not want another child and I SO desperately do. This post makes my cry because, sadly, I am a walking contradiction. I have the days where I wish life was easier. But I also know that each passing day may be my last to experience certain joys of motherhood.

    1. My husband feels the same way…he doesn’t want another baby and I SO desperately do!! I feel incredibly blessed that we have our daughter, but I hate the thought of her being an only child. I’m not ready to stop being a mommy to a little one! I am praying to God and hoping He can change my husband’s heart! So I do feel your pain!! You aren’t alone!!

  5. This is a beautiful post and OH SO TRUE! I am blessed enough to have 3 sons ages 21, 19 and 9. I look at the older two as they really start their futures being away at college and I cherish the gift I was given in my youngest son who was a complete surprise to me when I had him at 41! I am lucky enough to be able to relish the moments that my older sons have grown out of with their younger brother. Even HE is growing way faster than I would like him to but I figure when he’s out of the little boy things I’ll be starting over with grandchildren! Thank you for your thought provoking words…

    1. Very well said Chery…..all seasons are special and especially so when your memories keep replaying over and over!! Joy, pure joy!

  6. Children are a gift to us for just a time and then they are grown and still needs the construction of what their parents built in their lives. They always need the love and concerns of their parents. No matter how old they get. I had 3 sons and now they are my conforment to life. What a turn in life. I love them very dearly and they are my friends. I can share anything with them and they are interested in my life too. They have always respected me and their father. I can not say enough about them, they are my jewels in life. They each are good parents and are becoming grand parents. What a life I have had with them. I say thank you for being the children you are. Yes they will always be children in a mothers eyes.

  7. This is so powerful! I am a 70 yr old great grandmother who lost a 25 year old daughter. At the age of 63 I became a mother again to my 4 grand children. I had the priviledge of doing this mother thing twice. I wouldn’t take anything for the precious memories. Mothers love your you will have plenty of time to do nothing when they are grown!

  8. Life precious no matter what age your children are, whether your house is chaotic or neat, or whether your sleep is interrupted or not, a mother will always have “down times” and “up times”. Learning to be thankful during ALL seasons of life is something every mother/ person can work on in their life. This phrase was helpful for me during some difficult periods in my life—“This too shall pass”. And life does go on. Enjoy it while you have life!

  9. Excellent. I once told my colleague I could not watch the videos of my grown children. He stopped in his tracks and explained how that puzzled him. Hm. The 9 years between us seem an ocean. I loved being that parent, I explained… the one who was still taller than her children, who was needed all the time for hugs, advice, stories, laughter, comfort. Yes, when they were at the age his children were right then. Have I ever steered you wrong, I asked. He shook his head. Well, I am right about this, too. Love this time, it is going to be your fondest wish to be right back here in a very few years.
    He has told me how smart I am since then. Life moves on…

  10. I needed this today so thank you. I have a 7 and 10 year old and there is so much that I “wish” I could get back. The 7 year old won’t let me hold his hand crossing the parking lot anymore and the 10 year old will start middle school next year. I wish I had paused to take it all in more but I am so excited to see where God takes them on their journey of life.

  11. After three years of infertility treatment – including surgery and five failed IVF attempts, we adopted a baby girl in December. Our very worst days with her (screaming baby!) are far better than our very best days without her!

  12. My rule has always been (and this is what I share at baby showers when you’re supposed to give the mm advice) is to never say, “I can’t wait until they… (walk, talk, use the potty, whatever) because it will happen so fast anyway without me wishing away the moments we have now. 😉

  13. Beautiful Paige, loved reading every single word of your story! Wonderful pictures and words…. Thank you for reminding me 🙂

  14. Cherish your babies. At age 25, after graduating from law school, my 24 year old son estranged himself from us. He grew up with depression and now refuses to take the prescribed medicine for it. It’s been 7 years since I’ve seen him. I know that adult children are estranging themselves from their families is reaching epidemic proportions.

  15. This is beautiful. I went through a time where I could not have children and that is all I wanted. I lost five children. I was finally able to have a beautiful little girl, and I almost lost her. Just as every other mom on the planet, I have bad days too.. but I try to remind myself of the time before I had her, and I don’t miss it! My very worst days with her are so much better than my very best days without her. She is such a blessing to me. There are so many women who will never be able to experience being a mother, and so many women that have children that take it for granted. Every moment you have with your child is precious.

  16. Never wish away that precious time. I was a young mother with 2 children, only 20 months apart. I always wanted to be a mom. My second child was born with a chronic genetic disease. We tried so hard to treat both of our children the same, to spend as much time as we could with them. But life was filled with lots of struggles, health, financial, etc. I would give anything to have spent More time with both of them!! I lost my daughter to this disease at 16 years of age. (In January of her older brother’s Sr. Year in High School). It has been 7 years. I wish every day to have her back. To spend more time listening to bedtime chatter, playing, singing, Laughter!! My son is 25 and lives only an hour or so away and we talk almost daily ~ which is such a blessing. I am so proud of the smart, hard working, helpful, soft hearted, caring young man he has grown to be. I will forever be a mom, but I miss those days when my kids were young. You never look back and wish you had worked more or cleaned more. You wish that you had hugged more, listened more…

  17. Thank you for this! As I have a 6.5 year old and a 20 month old. I have thought all of the I wishes in the past few months.

  18. This is all so true! My 3 beautiful children are 35, 34, and 32. I remember with longing their baby years, school age years and yes, even their busy teenage years. But, now I see them all with their own beautiful babies and I am grateful to God every day that I have been given the opportunity to watch them grow, mature and turn into loving spouses and parents. All stages of life are God given and God blessed!

  19. I shaped my whole life to have a family and recently found out I cannot. I’m lost. I want to experience these moments but I can’t and I don’t know what to do now. I’m lost. Makes me wish I could turn back time.

    1. Makes me wish I could turn back time and choose a different path in life. Living your youth planning for your future family, only to find out that fate has apparently deemed you unworthy of motherhood, leaves you with a giant hole in your heart that will never be filled. Leaves you with no purpose. It leaves you feeling worthless. So, yes, enjoy those moments of unconditional love. Be thankful you have that & a reason to keep going. Without any reason to keep going, life is a cold & lonely thing.

    2. SAN…how heartbreaking. I cannot imagine. The only words I can offer are these: While you feel lost, God knows exactly where you are. This is no shock to him, he knew this would happen when he created you. Although you may never know why, times like these , when we are at our lowest, is when we only have God to trust in. Our plans fail, but he never does. Keep your eyes on him and he will carry you through and pour out blessings in ways you never imagined.

  20. Paige, this reading really touched me! It helped me a lot and made me think about my “season” of being a mom of two little kids. Sometimes is hard, but I need to remember to enjoy and to be grateful! I would like to ask your permission to publish it on my blog (In Portuguese from Brazil). I have a lot of Brazilian friends who certainly will be blessed to read this.
    Thank you very much and God bless you!

  21. Thank you Lisa for sharing this.
    I was told that I would never have children due to fertility issues but than I met a fantastic Dr. Essam Micheals who changed my world and gave me hope. Four very long years of trying and upsets and finally she arrived. Everything I could ever wish for a baby girl. I did have a very difficult pregnancy , was off work and off my feet for part of my pregnancy as i was very high risk but none the less she was a fighter , strong and healthy. Oh how I wished every day every hour every minute and second to have a healthy pregnancy and it finally happened. I remember dreaming about her when she moved around in my belly and would wake at night hoping all was okay. All was fine and once she was born all I wished came true.
    She did have issues with feeding as allergies were an issue from 4 months old including exzema and as she grew they became more frequent and severe so I left my career and now I stay home to care and love her each and every day. Now that she is 3 my only wish is to forever be with her and give her the best life a mom can provide.
    Don’t ever give up on your dreams and wishes!
    I didn’t take NO for an answer and it didn’t matter who it came from as I knew I had to be a mom and I would devote my entire life doing so.
    PS.. i was almost 40 when I had my daughter so its never too late 🙂
    Best wishes ,
    Kathy

  22. It took me 7 years of pills, shots and so much more to finally have my 1st baby. It is worth every bit of it. I never wished it away he is 16 and I have a girl who is 14. Enjoy the blog its a great reminder to all. I pray for all those that haven’t had children and are longing for them.

  23. What a lovely take on motherhood and it’s so true, it seems like just as you say all the things you wish they happen and your wishing for something new. This is truly about being thankful for what we have all the time. Thanks so much for sharing I really needed this.

  24. This is all so true. I lost my first two children to stillbirth, then an ugly divorce. I now have two new, perfect little ones (18 months and 7 months). I have had countless moments of “I miss”– so many that I don’t have very many “I wish” moments now. I don’t take any of it for granted, and try to relish each fleeting moment, because none are guaranteed… and besides, they go by in the blink of an eye! Thank you for this beautiful reminder that all of us need, no matter our circumstances or season of “now.”

  25. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. Reading this has come to me in such a desperate time when I needed to hear just these words!

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